My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
