The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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