i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
