her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
