if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
