I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need moral support for this bender
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
