I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
