I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
