just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
