i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
