I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
