my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's shark week go big or go home
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
