Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize