I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
