Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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