I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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