I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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