I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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