Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
