I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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