oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we're making bets on your personal life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
