I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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