Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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