when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
