Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
