I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
