it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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