I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
