Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
