You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
