Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay

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(512): View more from Texas

New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.

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(503): View more from Oregon

today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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(863): View more from Florida

fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked

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(404): View more from Georgia

Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy

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