just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
