Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
