My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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