I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
