are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
