Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
