There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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