I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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