when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
