don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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