So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
