I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
