He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
