Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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