Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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