life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
