I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
