Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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