I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
