he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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