we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
