Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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