you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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