Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
