Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
