im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
