You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
