hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
