We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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