I just saw a hot homeless man
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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