goodnight i made you a song goodbye
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
