If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize