Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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