just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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