The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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