i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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